headache. major headache

whoa, i was feeling really really emo yesterday. super super moody and listless. started in the morning, sitting alone at the reservoir waiting for training, thought about stuff wayyyy too much. just ended up feeling worse and worse about myself, feeling like some stupid fool for letting things get to the way they were. urghh - damn.

training itself wasnt too bad, at least we moved on from sculling. passed the sculling test without too much difficulty, done it before anyway. on coach's orders, we took a 3km paddle to get used to paddling and test out his suggested paddling techniques.

i was hoping to use training to take my mind of those problems and to a certain extent they worked a little, but the feelings returned with even greater intensity after training ended. i tell you, i was working so hard not to scream or something all the way during lunch and the bus ride home. the pain felt like something was eating me from the inside. wow. trust me that hurts like hell. thankfully i managed to get kevin to meet me for circuits in the evening, whacked the circuits just so to tire myself out and not give myself too much free time to think. aye. life sucks doesnt it.

night was slightly better i think. got home at 8plus, took at a shower and kinda stoned in front of the com not knowing what to do. talked to some people online who really gave me good advice. especially cheryllwin i tell you, she gives good advice like a professional, and i think she doesnt even realise shes that good. thanks.


aye, i hope it works out. if not, im gonna have a hellish two years ahead of me. i wonder if my current choice of action is the right one.